


Angels Are Naive

by The_Bentley



Series: Five Hundred Word Challenges [9]
Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Drinking, Foreplay, Idiots in Love, Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), Ineffable Idiots (Good Omens), M/M, POV Crowley (Good Omens), POV Sergeant Shadwell (Good Omens), Phone Calls & Telephones, Shadwell Is Pulling One Over On Them, The Death of Major Milkbottle
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-30
Updated: 2020-11-30
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:34:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27714152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Bentley/pseuds/The_Bentley
Summary: Shadwell needs money to pay rent, so he cons Aziraphale into giving it to him.  Crowley, who is at the bookshop for a romantic night with Aziraphale, has his own thoughts on it.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Series: Five Hundred Word Challenges [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1885723
Comments: 4
Kudos: 28
Collections: GO-events NTA #9 - Milkbottle After Dark





	Angels Are Naive

**Author's Note:**

> GO Events Discord Server Name the Author #9. Prompt: The Death of Major Milkbottle.

Shadwell stared at the ledger, tapping his pen against its edge as he tried another method of creative accounting that might add a few pounds to his account but nothing worked. He needed twenty more to make rent this month. Shadwell rubbed his face in thought, dropping his hands when he heard the phone ring.

“Yeah?” he said after heading out to answer it. 

“ _Hello, it’s me. Your sponsor._ ”

Oh, yes. The great southern pansy.

“ _I_ _was just calling to check progress on the investigation I wanted you to do._ ”

Shadwell hadn’t done a bit of work on that assignment, but this opportunity started the wheels in his head turning. “Well, it’s been slow due to . . .” He flailed, his gaze casting about for a reasonable excuse and landing on the broken milk bottle sitting on the table where he had left it last week instead of tossing it in the bin. “We lost Major Milkbottle.”

“ _Lost? Oh, dear. Did you find him?_ ”

“He’s deceased, yer honour. Very tragic. He was . . . umm . . . chasing a witch down some stairs and he . . . lost his footing and fell. Shattered his skull. We are all devastated, especially his widow.”

“ _My condolences. Does his family need assistance?_ ”

“An extra twenty pounds wouldn’t come amiss.”

“ _I shall post those to you right away! Don’t worry about the work. It’ll keep for a fortnight while you mourn._ ”

“Thank you very much. Ms Window will appreciate the funds and we appreciate the time to grieve.”

Pleased, Shadwell hung up and walked back to his flat. Sitting down with an ancient witchfinder manual to read, he rested easier knowing the extra funds from the pansy would cover the rent due. With any luck, the bloke in the sunglasses would need an errand performed so he’d have a little extra cash this month.

~*~*~

Across town, Aziraphale finished the call as Crowley entered the bookshop, hanging up the receiver while Crowley took a seat on the couch.

“Rude customer?”

“No. A gentleman whom . . . I have perform investigations for me. His . . . assistant . . . Mr Milkbottle died. I’m sending some extra pounds for the family.”

“Milkbottle?”

“Yes.”

“Nobody’s named that. He’s scamming you.”

“Well, if he is, it’s because he needs the money and it’s not like I can’t part with some.”

“Milkbottle,” Crowley snorted. “Did he look in his fridge before naming his invisible assistant? Does he so lack imagination that he can’t pick up a phone book? I got a guy, too, but I know when he tries to scam me. I pay his fees and nothing more. Be careful, Aziraphale? You know how humans can be.”

“I’m not as gullible as you think.”

Crowley simply rolled his eyes and let it go. Instead, he pulled Aziraphale down into his lap where he started unbuttoning his waistcoat as he nibbled on his ear. A small one-time scam didn’t matter when he had a sex-filled night with Aziraphale ahead. The two fell with passionate kisses to the cushions, fumbling to remove each other’s clothing.


End file.
